Day: April 28, 2013

 * Unfailingly courteous to fans, Jay Leno always signs autographs, poses for pictures and somehow finds time to call many of the people who write to him. “I called one woman,” says Jay and I ask, “is Susan there?” “No, who is this”?    “This is Jay Leno.” “Well, this is her mother. What do you want?”   “She wrote me a letter,” I replied. “Oh, well,” she answered. “She writes to every crackpot on television.”

The White House is proposing we collaborate Russia to build a new space station. You know what that means? We are going to wind up with a space station that has $30 million toilet and no toilet paper.

Two sailors were adrift on a raft of planks from their sunken ship. They were sunburned,  hungry and tired and had given up hope of rescue. One got on his knees and began to shout a prayer. “Oh Lord, I have been worthless in my life. I have been unkind to my wife. I have abandoned my children and lived sinfully, but If you will save me, I promise…” Just then the other sailor shouted, “Hold it, I think I see land.”