Day: February 28, 2014

* My nine year old nephew and I were watching what I thought was a PG movie on TV when suddenly a male character asked a female character, “Why do you work as a lady of the night?” In a sultry voice she replied, “because I like to find $300 on my pillow.” “Wow,” my nephew commented, “she must have had a huge tooth.”

After a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. Now I’m 5’3″ tall and pleasantly plump not exactly Mylie Cyrus. When the nurse asked me for my height and weight, I blurted out, “5 foot eight and 125 pounds.” As the nurse paused to check her eyesight, mom leaned over to me and said, “Sweetheart, this isn’t the Internet.”

# For several years, my job was to answer all of your phone calls and mail concerning the daytime television soap operas our company produced. One day a woman called wanting medical advice from an actor who portrayed a doctor on one of the shows. I explained that the man wasn’t a real doctor couldn’t help her. After a moment of shocked silence, the woman replied indignantly, “No wonder it takes his patients months to recover.”