Day: May 12, 2014

My brother was alarmingly me by speeding through a red light. I said, “What if the traffic cameras are watching you?”  “Stop worrying,” he sighs. “It doesn’t matter if they are watching or not,” he assured me.  “I don’t have license plates yet.”

It was a Saturday morning the lobby of my apartment building was bustling with people coming and going as the mail carrier arrives; one of my neighbors came barreling through the lobby, chatting on her cell phone. Seeing the mail carrier, she yells across the lobby, “Oh by the way, I just found out that my husband’s New Yorker subscription expired months ago. So you are right, you haven’t been stealing them.”

When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, “Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal.”  The hero told the journalist that he wasn’t from that town.  “Well, then,” the reporter said, “the headline will probably say, ‘Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog’.” “Actually,” the man said, “I’m from Connecticut.” “In that case,” the reporter said in a huff, “the headline should read, ‘Yankee Kills Family Pet’.”