Day: August 4, 2014

* When I was a trained, yet inexperienced, radioman in the Coast Guard, we were sent to sea to ride out hurricane Hazel. As the cutter crashed through 30 foot waves, I held on the rail with one hand while grasping the radio receiver with the other. “Scholz,” I heard our bosun’s mate shout over the roaring storm. “What are you doing with that radio?” “I’ve got it in case we have to call for help, sir,” I answered.  “Scholz we are the  *&@#$%^   $%^ *&@#  help.”

@ We have divided our friends Bob and Sheila to a special dinner. While my wife, Leigh prepared the meal, I rushed out to buy just the right wine. Everything seemed perfect as we sat down at the dinner table, until I noticed that the ice bucket held an inferior champagne. Honey, I said “please bring out the bottle I purchased tonight. Bob and Sheila deserved better than this.” “Dear,” my wife replied quietly, “Bob brought the wine.”

# A purse snatcher was arrested in Bari, Italy after he chose the wrong person as his victim. The man was suspected of a string of handbag robberies. He sped past his last victim on a motorcycle and deftly lifted her purse without slowing down. As he turned around to see the surprised look on his victim’s face, he realized he had made a relatively stupid mistake. The woman was his own mother she immediately reported the incident to the police and the next time he saw his mother was in the courtroom.