Day: February 14, 2015

@ I work as a receptionist at a doctor’s office.  Last Valentine’s Day, I arrived there to find a mystery man pacing up and down holding a package. As I got out of the car, he declared warmly, “I have something for you.”  Expecting a present form my secret admirer, I excitedly ripped it open the bundle. It was a urine sample.

@ I’m trying to figure out what to give my girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. They say diamonds are forever. What says, “this is for the next month and a half?”

Two opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other at a local diner the first candidate said, “I always tip the waitress’s real well and then ask them to vote for me,” he said. Candidate number two replied, “Oh  really,  I always tip them a nickel and ask them to vote for you.”