July 27th Humor
@ A haggard man walked into the psychiatrist’s office tore open a cigarette and stuffed the loose tobacco up his nose. The doctor watched and commented, “I can see that you really need me.” The man responded, “I sure do, Doc have you got a light.”
Announcement to airline passengers: If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put you out. This is a free service we provide. There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit. We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight … hold on, let me check what it is … Oh here it is; the movie tonight is Gone with the Wind.
A construction worker dies on in a fishing accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says “Congratulations!” “Congratulations for what?” asks the construction worker. “Congratulations for what?” says Saint Peter. “We are celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.” “But that’s not true,” says the construction worker. “I only lived to be forty.” “That’s impossible,” says Saint Peter, “we added up your time sheets.”