Day: October 16, 2019

Getting high at Big Lots

Kristina Perkins was roaming around in a Big Lots store for a couple of hours before she took a shopping cart full of merchandise into the women’s restroom. The store manager tried to check on Perkins in the bathroom, but she had barricaded that door with garbage cans. The manager yelled in “she was caught and police were on the way”, but she never came out of the bathroom. He finally went in the ladies room to check on her and noticed “tile missing from the ceiling” and Perkins nowhere in sight. Police came and spotted Perkins several times by removing tiles from various points in the ceiling. She didn’t listen to their commands to stop, and kept crawling through the ceiling. The store was evacuated “due to the danger of Perkins falling through the ceiling.” The odd chase lasted for roughly six hours until Perkins was spotted coming down from the ceiling using a stack of shelves. She was arrested.

During an Irish bank heist the police surrounded the bank and the Chief radioed the Sgt. to cover all exits so the robbers could not get away. Later the Sgt. reports to the chief: “Sorry sir, but they got away.” The chief very disappointed says, “I told you to cover all Exits.” “I did,” replied the Sgt.” but they got away through the Entrance.”

I can’t see an end. I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape. I don’t even have a home anymore. I think it’s time for a new keyboard.

After years in jail, I finally managed to escape. When I got home my wife said, “They announced your escape on TV nine hours ago. Where have you been and with who?” I called the police and turned myself in.

How did the chocolatier escape police custody?
He had a few Twix up his sleeve.