Day: December 3, 2019

Kim Jong-Un Demands 8 Tons of Feces

The government pressure is getting really bad in North Korea. Citizens are preparing for next year’s farming season, by collecting feces. Kim Jong-Un ordered the citizens to provide 220 pounds of feces per person. RFA said that the citizens who fail to meet this quota are forced to pay a fine. Those who are struggling to meet the quota are stealing from their neighbors or public restrooms. People put all their human feces outside to dry so the scent is all over the city. It’s really hard to breathe when you go out on the streets. Government officials are exempt from these tasks under their authority, but the powerless people are required to get their shit together.

An old farmer is pulling a load of manure down the road when he gets pulled over by a cop. The cop comes up to the truck and starts giving the old farmer a hard time about how much the load smells and just generally aggravating him.
Waving his hands in the air, he tells the man, “Whew! These flies are awful!”
“Yep,” the old man replied. “Them is what we call circle flies”
“Circle flies?” “Yep, on account they circle a horse’s back end”
“Say old timer! You wouldn’t be calling me a horse’s ass now are ya?”
“Oh no, no sir. Not at all” The old man paused for a second. “Can’t fool them flies though.”

A man seated next to a little girl on an airplane turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The little girl, put down her iPad and said, “What would you like to talk about?” “Oh, I don’t know,” said the stranger. “How about nuclear power?” “OK,” she said. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first: A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass — the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?” The stranger thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.” The little girl replies: “Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?”

Politicians are like diapers. They both should be changed often and for the same reason.