Flying by the crotch of your pants
It’s the greatest scandal to hit the world of ski jumping since the Engblåd-Distiick incident of 1976, which is something I just invented right this second, but you didn’t know that because we don’t talk about ski jumping very often. Norway was caught red-handed engaging in blatant crotch cheating at an event over the weekend, when officials were caught adding extra material to the crotch of jumping suits in an effort to make Norwegian athletes soar further in the air. They essentially constructed a crotch sail, modifying pre-approved suits. The suits were found by officials and as a result two gold medalists, Marius Lindvik and Johann André Forfang have now been disqualified from the world championships for their modified suits. Blame lands squarely at the feet of head coach Magnus Brevig and equipment manager Adrian Livelten, both of whom have been fired and admit they made the crotch adjustments. Results of recent competitions are now being reviewed to determine whether the Norwegian team cheated at past events.
The scandal has shocked the ski jumping world, raising questions about how widespread this practice is, and tarnished Norway’s standing for honesty in sports. What has emerged involves team officials manipulating pre-approved and microchipped suits to increase their size and improve aerodynamics to help athletes fly further. It was revealed in footage secretly filmed from behind a curtain then sent by a whistleblower to international media. A FIS official said the illegal alterations were only subsequently confirmed by tearing apart the seams of the crotch area on the offending Norwegian ski suits. “The only thing that matters for FIS is to leave this process 100% convinced that the sport is free from any form of manipulation,” its secretary general Michel Vion said in a statement.
“It was an extremely high-level manipulation,” race director Pertile said of the Norwegian actions that were “absolutely by far the worst” in his five years in the job. “We destroyed the suit to be able to find this adjustment.” The Italian official said alterations were not detected by eye and only were revealed by examining the seams of the crotch area of the ski suits after the competition. Extra material in the same color had been inserted that added weight and helped to lower the material between an athlete’s legs as they took off into the flight phase. More surface area hitting the air helps add to flight time, Pertile said. FIS previously said a 5% bigger surface area of a suit helps an athlete fly further, though the exact distance added is not known, Pertile said. “The only thing that matters for FIS is to leave this process 100% convinced that the sport is free from any form of manipulation,” secretary general Michel Vion said on Tuesday. “This means … reviewing the entire process and, if the conclusion is that there should be drastic changes to the equipment regulations, this is what we will do.”
Ski humor
If you go to a Scandinavian bakery, you could Finnish a Swedish Danish.
Norway I’d make this up!
Although relations between the two countries have improved over the years, there’s still a lot of bad blood between Finland and Norway.
It’s called Sweden.
I was at a ski resort for a psychiatry convention.
I’ve never seen so many Freudians slip.
Somebody asked me recently why I took up downhill skiing.
I told them uphill skiing was far too difficult.
March 14th Birthdays
1833 – Lucy Tyler Hobbs, 1968 – Megan Follows, 1942 – Rita Tushingham, 1998 – Simon Biles
1933 – Quincy Jones, 1984 – Dan Crenshaw, 1948 – Billy Crystal, 1989 – Stephen Curry