The Error of their ways
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Just like this New York City bank robber. Gustavo DeJesus Torres, 33, is nothing if not determined. He recently allegedly attempted to rob six banks. And he did it all in the span of less than one week. During each of his active days, he tried his luck at two different banks. As a silver lining, Torres was courteous as a bank robber. He didn’t yell, smash, or grab, and instead simply handed the teller a note demanding money. That might be why he didn’t exactly rake it in with his robbery attempts. According to the police, Torres netted barely over $600 from the banks. This isn’t even the first time he’s trying to rob banks. His first robbery attempt reportedly happened five years ago, and he’s been at it ever since. The man just really wants to make it as a bank robber.
On Friday, March 13, he struck in Queens. On the day, he entered a Chase bank and walked up to the teller. Torres allegedly handed the teller a note, which stated that people would get hurt if he didn’t get some money. The teller gave him $300. Afterward, Torres left the bank. A half hour later, he repeated the stunt in another Queens bank. His daily total was $320 received from one of the banks. The other one he left empty-handed. The next day, again visited two Chase branches. It was the same routine—one of the banks gave him money, the other didn’t. That day, his robberies made him $605. That’s probably not enough to cover NYC rent, but it’s something. These aren’t the first times Torres has robbed banks. It seems that he has a history and may have been more successful in the past. A news story from 2021 reports that a then-29-year-old Gustavo Torres robbed a bank in the Newark suburb of Belleville, New Jersey. Bizarrely enough, he used the exact same note-handing method and also targeted a Chase branch. For the time being, Torres is on the run and in parts unknown. Will he try robbing another bank?
But Wait! There’s more:
This week, a man in California was scheduled to appear in court to face auto theft charges, but he never made it—but not for lack of trying. According to the Monterey County Sheriff’s Office, the suspect in the existing auto theft case was spotted driving into the courthouse parking lot … in another car that had been reported stolen. The incident took place on March 24, according to the sheriff’s office, at about 11 a.m. in Salinas, California. Multi-Agency Detail Combating Auto Theft (MADCAT) members reportedly observed Ricardo Otero, 41, driving into the Salinas Courthouse parking lot, where he was set to face charges in a pending auto theft case. The problem was that the car Otero was driving to court had been reported stolen out of San Jose, authorities say. Police stopped Otero outside of the courtroom and placed him under arrest. He was taken into custody without incident and was transported to jail. He now faces additional charges of unlawful driving or taking of a vehicle, commission of a felony while on bail and driving with a suspended license. Whether you see it as ironic, absurd, or just plain avoidable, one thing seems clear: If you’re already in trouble for stealing a car, showing up at court in another one is a very likely way to see things end badly. Support Teacher’s unions!
Career challenged thieves
A sight impaired thief decided to rob the art museum.
He ended up stealing the evacuation plan.
A drunk in a bar is yelling “All lawyers are thieves!”
The guy sitting next to him says, “Whoa, easy there buddy.”
The drunk says, “Are you a lawyer?”
“No, I’m a thief” says the guy.
Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train thief?
He had loco motives.
What is the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?
An amateur thief says, “Give me all your money!”
A professional thief says, “Sign here please.”
April 1st Birthdays
1962 – Susan Boyle, 1988 – Mackenzie Davis, 1939 – Ali McGraw, 1928 – Debbie Reynolds
1950 – Samuel Alito, 1929 – Bo Schembechler, 1998 – Asa Butterfield, 1908 – Abraham Maslow