June 3rd Humor

@ I had just spent 3 hours arguing with the bureau of motor vehicles while waiting in several lines and on the way home I stopped at the sporting goods store to get something for my son. I approached the register with the baseball bat and the clerk asked, “Cash or charge?” I snapped “Cash” at her and then apologizing for my tone explained I had just been mistreated at the license bureau. Giving me my change she asked, “Do you want this in a bag or are you going right back there.”

*In January 1991, I was being deployed to operation Desert Storm. Before boarding a C-141 transport I had to go through tight security. After a meticulous x-ray of all my carry-on bags, I removed all metal objects from my uniform and was finally able to pass through the metal detector without setting off the alarm. Just out of curiosity, I asked the airmen operating the checkpoint, “Why did you make me go through all that?” “We want to be sure you aren’t carrying any weapons on board,” he said, handing me back my M-16 rifle.

The first Jewish woman is elected president, she calls her mother, “I won the election you have got to come to the inauguration ceremony.”   “I don’t know, what would I wear?” “Don’t worry, I’ll send you a wonderful dressmaker.” “But how will I get there?” “I’ll send an airplane just for you,” said madam President. Her mother threw back, “but it’s such a mad house at the airport.” “Mama, I’ll send you a limousine to take you to the airport.” “And what will I do when I get to Washington?” “There will be a helicopter waiting. After the ceremony you’ll come with me to a lovely dinner party.” “But you know, I only eat kosher.” “I’ll be sure the food for you is kosher. Just come.” The mother relented, “Okay, okay, if it makes you happy.” The great day comes and Mama, beautifully dressed, is seated between two Supreme Court justices. She nudges the gentleman on the right and says, “You see that girl with one hand on the Bible, her brother is a doctor.”