May 17th Humor

* The 84-year-old retired stockbroker was admitted to our hospital intensive care unit, suffering from a peptic ulcer and in shock from internal hemorrhaging. As intravenous lines were started, fluid was infused and his vital signs improved rapidly. A nurse dramatically announced his blood pressure readings as they started to climb from the the shock level of 60 and increased to 70, 80,  90. There was no doubt about the patient’s successful recovery when, and midst her calling the values, he suddenly yelled, “When it gets to 110, sell.”

# Two buddies were commenting on their friend Harry’s bad luck at the track. The first one said, “It is funny: you know how lucky Harry is at cards and how unlucky he is on the horses.” His buddy said, “Nothing funny about it, they won’t let Harry shuffle the horses.”

If you had purchased $1000 of AIG stock five years ago you would have $42 left. If Lehman brothers, you would have to $6.66 left. With Fannie and Freddie would’ve had less than five dollars left. But if you purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned the cans in for the recycling the aluminum refund you would have $14. Based on this information, my best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called your 401keg plan.