May 2nd Humor

I feel sorry for Moses. He spent 40 years wandering in the desert, eating bread off the ground and an occasional bird and every day 1 million people would come up to him and ask, “Are we there yet?”

I know I’m never going to understand how you women can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.

# Prejudice even happens under the sea: A crab and a lobster were secretly dating. Pretty soon the lobster tires of lying and tells her father who forbids her to see the crab. “It will never work”, he says to her. “Crabs walk sideways and we walk straight ahead.’ ”  “Please,” she begged, “just meet him once I know you like him.” Her father finally agrees and she runs off to share the good news. The crab is so excited that he decides to surprise his betrothed family. He practices and practices until he can walk straight ahead. On the big day he walks the entire way to the lobster’s house as straight as he can. Standing on the porch, the lobster dad yells to his daughter, “I knew it. Here comes the crab and he’s drunk.”