January 1 Humor

* I was teaching a group of immigrants an English as a second language class and we came upon the word “straight.” I wrote the word on the board and asked if anyone knew what that word was. A man raised his hand and said “that word is straight.” I congratulated him on being able to decipher the crazy American spelling and asked him if he knew what the word meant. He said he knew that too. “it means without ginger ale.”

@ While we stood at attention during a parade the Pvt. next in the ways to someone in the audience. Our drill instructor turned and whispered. “Jones, never do that again.”  A few minutes later the soldier waved the second time back in the barracks after the parade the DI barreled in and barked for Jones to come front and center . “Son, you knew I was going to see you,” he screamed, “you know it was wrong, aren’t you afraid of me?”   “Yes Sir,” replied Jones, “but you don’t know my mother.”

* My husband, a state trooper, stopped a motorist for speeding. Instead of signing the ticket and continuing on his way, the driver, who said he knew he had been going over the posted limit, insisted on having a court hearing. The appointed day, Fred and the man appeared before the District Magistrate. Found guilty, the motorist happily paid his fine. Outside the courtroom, my husband asked him why he had bothered going to court. “I came to this country from Serbia a few years ago,”  the man explained. I never had the freedom to ask for a hearing. Now I do.”