September 30 Humor

* I don’t want to say that inflation is running away, but at the mall I saw gumball machine that took dollar bills.

@ Every night after a work a man would stop into the bar and order two martini’s. He would drink the one and then slide into the next seat and drink the second one. The bartender asked him why he performed this ritual. He explained his drinking buddy had moved down south so he was having one drink for himself and one for his buddy. This went on for months and one evening the customer came in and ordered one martini. The bartender trying to be very concerned asked if the customer’s buddy had passed away the customer replied, “Oh no, I had to quit drinking.”

@ Mr. Inebriate was leaning against the bar holding his hands cupped together and every few seconds would open his thumbs and peek inside his hands, first with one eye and then the other. One of his bar mates asked the obvious question: “What have you got in there?” “You have to guess.” said the drunk smiling. “A butterfly?'”  “Nope”  “A hummingbird?” The drunk peeked in again and said, “Nope” “Well, I don’t know maybe an elephant?” The drunk looked through his thumbs again and demanded, “What color?”