April 19th Jokes

* I went to the sporting goods store to buy a jogging suit for my wife who was an avid jogger. Not knowing the size I explained she is five feet seven inches tall and weighs about 115 pounds. The clerk responded, “Maybe something in a size ten.” I said that sounded pretty big to me. She called out to a lady clerk across the store, “What would you call a gal that is 5′ 7 and 115 pounds?”  Came the reply, “Lucky.”

A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the back seat. The women just won’t leave him alone. His mother-in-law says, “You’re driving too fast!”  His wife says, “Stay more to the left.”   After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, “Who’s driving this car – you or your mother?”

Arthur rubbed the old lamp he bought at a flea market and sure enough a genie appeared. “Thanks for setting me free,” declared the liberated spirit.”  “Aren’t you going to grant me a wish? ”  “Are you kidding,” answered the genie.” If I could grant wishes would I have been in that bottle all this time?”