April 29th Jokes

* How do you make an Elephant fly?  First you start with a very large zipper.

# The guide on our tour bus at Gettysburg drove around the battlefield and pointed out the sites. Curiously, every one of them celebrated the bravery and creativity of the Rebels in the battle. For example he pointed out  “that at this creek two brave boys from Georgia captured an entire Union regiment.”   One of the lady tourists spoke up and asked, “Didn’t the North win the battle of Gettysburg?” The guide snapped back, “Nope, and they ain’t gonna as long as I am driving this bus.”

Russian president Vladimir Putin has been named a candidate for this year’s Nobel Peace Prize. His chances of winning are good because his strategy is to have all the other nominees killed.