August 17 Humor

A lawyer cross examined the doctor about whether he checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. “No,” he said “I did not check his pulse.”  Did you listen for a heartbeat?” asked the lawyer. “No I did not” the doctor responded. “So,” said the lawyer, “when you signed the death, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead.” The doctor said, “Well let me put it to you this way. The man’s brain was in a jar on my desk but for all I know he could be out practicing law.”

* One day an elderly lady was in her garden and she overheard two men working on a telephone pole nearby. The men were obviously having a disagreement and expressing themselves in very colorful language. The lady called the phone company and complained. The men were asked to describe the incident for the report. They said “Me and Joe Wilson were on the job. I was up on the pole and dropped a pair of pliers which hit Joe on the head and bounced to his shoulder”. He looked up at me and said, “Harry, you really must be more careful.”

* The teacher was trying to show his students the correct grammar. The boy protested, “What difference does it make if I say bad or badly? They both mean the same thing.”  The teacher pointed to a girl walking down the hall and asked, “Son, are you looking at her stern or sternly?”