August 17 Humor

* The teacher was trying to show his students the correct grammar. The boy protested, “What difference does it make if I say bad or badly? They both mean the same thing.”  The teacher pointed to a girl walking down the hall and asked, “Son, are you looking at her stern or sternly?”

A lawyer cross examined the doctor about whether he checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate.” No,” he said, “I did not check his pulse.”   ‘And did you listen for a heartbeat?” asked the lawyer. “No I did not,” the doctor responded. “So,” said the lawyer, “When you signed the death, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead.” The doctor said, “Well let me put it to you this way. The man’s brain was in a jar on my desk but for all I know he could be out practicing law.”

@ An old prospector died and went to the pearly gates and St. Pete explained that there were already too many gold miners in heaven and he would have to wait or go somewhere else. The miner asked if he could talk to some of the souls and see if they could make some arrangements. Saint Peter agreed. Going into heaven he met a couple of the fellows he had know in life and whispered to them that they had struck gold down in hell. Well, one thing led to another and soon the miners had all asked to be transferred out of heaven in order to find the gold. Not much later the original miner came to St Peter and asked if he could be transferred as well. He explained, “Even if I did start the rumor myself, I can’t resist, there just might be something to it.”