August 28 Humor

* In addition to my job with a package delivery company I’m an emergency medical technician and a volunteer firefighter. As I drove home from work one day I heard a radio call about a woman in labor. I went to the address and sizing up the situation, told the expectant mother, “You’re going to have his baby right here in the living room”. The birth was perfect. after I announced she had a beautiful healthy baby girl the mother looked at me and saw the emblem on my shirt. “Oh  my,” she gasped. “My baby was delivered by UPS.”

@ My first wife divorced me on grounds of incompatibility. Besides I think she hated me.

* A couple went to a lawyer to dissolve their marriage In order to get them to reconcile the lawyer warned the irate wife that if she divorced they would have to split everything 50/50. “You mean all the money I have in the bank?”  “Yes, maam, he will get half.”  “What about the furniture? ” “He will get the bedroom and living room stuff and you will get the kitchen and the dining room.” The wife got a sly smile and asked, “What about the 3 children?” The counselor thought for a moment and then said, “go back and live together until the fourth child is born and then you can split the children two and two.” The wife replied, “No you don’t, if I had depended on him I would not have the three children I have now.”