August 4th Humor

* When I was a trained, yet inexperienced, radioman in the Coast Guard, we were sent to sea to ride out hurricane Hazel. As the cutter crashed through 30 foot waves, I held on the rail with one hand while grasping the radio receiver with the other. “Scholz” I heard our bosun’s mate shout over the roaring storm. “What are you doing with that radio?” “I’ve got it in case we have to call for help, sir.” I answered,  “Scholz we are the  #%@*  *(&%$^$  help.”

# Every morning at our group coffee break we listened to the sad stories of our newlywed colleague’s misadventures in the kitchen. We all tried to pitch in with some advice and recipes.  One day, she asked us for step by step instructions to prepare sweet potatoes which was one of her new husband’s requests. She said, “I have finally been able to make them sweet, now how do I make them orange?”

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI.  “Well,” says the personnel director, “you’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute.” Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.  “Also,” says the director, “you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course.”  This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.  “There’s one last requirement,” the director continues; “you must be bilingual.”  With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, “Meow!”