January 15th Jokes

* Two palookas had both taken money to throw a fight. They sparred for a couple of rounds and then by accident one guy actually hit the other with a punch. The fighter immediately swooned and fell to the mat, thereby winning his bribe. The other fighter paced around the ring knowing he was in trouble now. As the referee counted, the potential winner had a brain storm. He ran over to his prostrate opponent and kicked him. That disqualified him and the other fighter was declared the winner.

The commander of the C-141 was in a hurry to fly out of the US air base in Thule, Greenland, but everything was working against him. The truck to pump the sewage from the plane was late, and then the airman pumping out the tank was taking his time. The commander harassed the lowly airman, threatening to have him punished. Turning to the officer, the airman said,  “I have no stripes, it’s 40° below zero, I’m stationed in Greenland and I’m outside pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just how do you plan to punish me?”

Miss Marie Collins, a first-grade teacher, explains to her class that she is a Baltimore Ravens fan. She asks her pupils to raise their hands if they are Ravens fans too. Not really knowing what a Ravens fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.  There is, however, one exception. Paula has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.  “Because I’m not a Ravens fan,” she answers.  “Then,” asks Miss Collins, “what are you?”  “I’m a Steelers fan,” boasts Paula proudly.  The teacher asks Paula why she is a Steelers fan.  “Well, my Dad and Mum are Steelers fans, so I’m a Steelers fan too,” Paula responds.  “That’s no reason,” Miss Collins retorts. “What if your mum was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?”  Paula smiles and says, “Then I’d be a Ravens fan.”