January 18th Jokes

* An American was hit by a car in Australia. The ambulance took him to the hospital. When he came to he asked the nurse, “Was I brought here to die?” She responded, “No, you were brought here yesterdie.”

* The local newspaper was searching for the most moral man in the area and among the entries came this nomination: “I don’t smoke, drink or gamble. I have been faithful to my wife and have never looked at another woman. I am hard working, quiet and obedient. I don’t even go to movies or dances. I get to bed early every night and get up at the crack of dawn everyday. I attend church every Sunday.   I have been like this for three years. Just wait until next Spring though, when they let me out of here.”

My boss told me, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have…
Now, I’m just sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Wonder Woman