July 14 Humor

* I visited my dad’s house to help him with a messy building project. In the process I got my clothes all muddy. I asked my mother if dad had any old pants I could borrow. When I told her I wear a 38 inch waist she said, “Dad has a closet full of pants that size.” As he is considerably more rotund than I am, I questioned him on this point. Dad insisted he wore a 38 waistline I said, “you can’t be a 38 waist.” “What size do you have on right now?”   “These are 44′ s,” he replied. “I thought you just said you wear a 38,” I asked.   “I do,” dad said. “But the 44 is more comfortable.”

@ “Life is Tough on women in Arizona prisons now that they have to work on chain gangs,” says comedian Rosie O’Donnell, “and what’s worse on their stripes are horizontal.”

*  My mother had tried every diet she read about over the years without much beneficial effect. Suddenly she was eating practically nothing and exercising everyday. I asked her what the program was that had inspired all this effort. She went to the refrigerator and showed me the invitation to her 20th school reunion.