July 14th Humor

* I visited my dad’s house to help him with a messy building project. In the process I got my clothes all muddy. I asked my mother if dad had any old pants I could borrow. When I told her I wear a 38 inch waist she said, “Dad has a closet full of pants that size.” As he is considerably more rotund than I am, I questioned him on this point. Dad insisted he wore a 38 waistline I said, “you can’t be a 38 waist.” “What size do you have on right now?”   “These are 44′ s,” he replied. “I thought you just said you wear a 38,” I asked.   “I do,” dad said. “But the 44 is more comfortable.”

@ “Life is Tough on women in Arizona prisons now that they have to work on chain gangs,” says comedian Rosie O’Donnell, “and what’s worse on their stripes are horizontal.”

After many attempts to lose weight, my father joined  professional diet group. The family was delighted that now he would be able to get his weight under control. However when he came home from his first session with the group, he went straight for the refrigerator. “What happened?” asked my mother.   “I’m starving,” dad replied. “All they did was talk about food.”