July 5 Humor

* There was an elderly Florida gentlemen that was told by his doctor to lose weight and get more exercise. A friend who knew of the situation discovered him sitting on the beach under an umbrella watching the girls going by.  “Abey you told me you vas going to get some more exercise.”  “Vell, that’s right”. “You never gonna get exercise sitting on the beach.”  “That’s where you are wrong Ralph. I come down here every day to vatch these girls in their bikinis and I walk three miles each way.”

* After an exhausting 12 hour drive to our honeymoon destination in Daytona Beach Florida my husband and I decided to refresh ourselves with a dip in the motel pool. I must have dropped a few pounds due to pre-wedding jitters because each time I dived into the pool I either lost the top or the bottom of my skimpy new bikini. We had the pool to ourselves, so we just laughed and retrieved the pieces. Later we dressed for dinner went down to the motel restaurant. Waiting for a table we sat in the lounge and ordered drinks. Above the bar was a huge empty glistening fish tank. Curious my husband asked, “Why is such a beautiful fish tank empty”? The bartender grinned from ear to ear as he replied, “that isn’t a fish tank that is the swimmimg tool”.

@ Our chief financial officer was giving a tour of the corporate headquarters to the special group of senior executives from whose bank we had  recently received a loan. As the CFO came to the jewel of the tour, the computer center that had been financed with the bank’s help, he proudly pointed to a small metal box on the wall next to the entrance. “This box”, he boasted, “is part of our new security system. The only way to gain admittance to the computer room is by inserting a properly encoded card in the slot”. He pressed the button next to the box, and the buzzer sounded. His face went pale when a voice from the other side of the door shouted, “Come on in, its open.”