July 8th Humor

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?” His father replied, “Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.  Johnny, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”

Q: What do you call a belly dancer with a sword?
A: A veiled threat.

# The 84-year-old retired stockbroker was admitted to our hospital intensive care unit, suffering from a peptic ulcer and in shock from internal hemorrhaging. As intravenous lines were started and fluid infused, his vital signs improved rapidly nurses dramatically announced his blood pressure readings as they started to climb from the the shock level of 60 and increased to 70… 80…  90… there was no doubt about the patient’s successful recovery when, and midst of her intonations. He suddenly yelled, “when it gets to 110, sell.”