June 20th Humor

A lady was visiting the aquarium. “Can you tell me whether I can get a live shark here?” The attendant asked. “Why a live shark? What would you do with a shark.” “My neighbor’s cat has been eating the goldfish out of my pond and I want to teach him a lesson.”

This guy was so boring that when he fell overboard from a cruise ship, the sharks circled  him three times and then lost interest.

@ A Texan died and went to the pearly gates. After a few days in heaven his bragging was getting on everyone’s nerves. No matter where he went in paradise he always said Texas had something better. Finally, Saint Peter took him to the edge of heaven and pointed straight down into the fiery depths of hell and asked, “Do you have something like that in Texas?” “No sir,” the oilman replied, “but we have some guys down in Houston who can put it out.”