June 9 Humor

 @ Our neighbors came back from vacation to find three weeks of newspapers scattered around their yard, even though they had called and cancelled the paper before they left.  The customer service clerk explained, “It appears you have not paid your bill since June. The computer cut you off the first of July. Since you are not listed as a subscriber, there is no way I could stop delivery of the paper.”

 # A very important Russian government official was riding through the Balkans when he saw a farmer out in his field on his knees praying. He stopped the car and stomped over to the man. “Why are you wasting your time praying when you should be plowing and planting for the party?”     The farmer answered, “But Commissar, I was praying for the party.”      “Huh, Praying for the party. Years ago you probably prayed for the Czar.”      “Yes, I did, Commissar.”    “Well, look what happened to the Czar.”   The farmer smiled and said, “Right.”

 * On his first set of maneuvers a new captain was out to impress everyone. He stood on the bridge and ordered the ship full speed ahead  zigzagging in and out of the other ships in the formation. A sailor came to the bridge announcing to the operating crew there was message from the admiral. The pompous new captain said, “Read it aloud, sailor”. He sailor read, “You idiot, what are you doing, you almost rammed the flagship.” The captain gulped and said, “Thank you sailor, take the message below and have decoded.”