* What is the difference between a chess player and government worker? A chess player makes a move every now and then.
* When my sister was in high school, she went out with the captain of the chess team. My parents loved him because they figured any guy who took three hours to make a move was safe.
# A man got a flat tire right outside the fence surrounding a county mental hospital. He changed the tire and put the lug nuts in the hubcap. As he moved he kicked the hubcap and the lug nuts rolled into the sewer. He was stuck then and noticed a man inside the fence watching him. The inmate said, “Why don’t you take one lug nut of each of the other wheels to attach the tire until you can get to the garage”. The distressed man said this was brilliant idea, thanked him and said, “I don’t know why you are in such a place.” The inmate said, “I am in here for being crazy not stupid.”