May 22nd Humor

@ My mother and I returned to my parents house late one evening to find my father, my college-age brother, Stephen and my 10-year-old sister fast asleep. Mom had forgotten her house keys, so we knocked loudly, first at the back door, then at the front door in minutes at the side door. We yelled my father’s name over and over, with no answer. Honking the car horn aroused the neighbors, but no one at our house. Finally we called the home land line waking Stephen. When we got back, he let us in. Dad was in the recliner, snoring with the television on. Mom quickly quietly switched it off. Dad woke right up, “Don’t turn that thing off,” he said. “I’m watching it.”

#A convicted burglar in Calgary, Alberta was released from prison after serving time for his crimes. He left behind some personal items in his cell. The police were most interested in one his diary, which had the addresses of 150 homes he planned to burglarize. Police met the man at the first address in his diary and arrested him. He should’ve had one of those diaries with the little lock and key.

* The doctor said to his patient: “Congratulations Mister Figby, I have just checked over your records and the insurance company says you are well.”