November 1 Humor

 At a Washington cocktail party two strangers strike up a conversation. After a few minutes of small talk, one asked, “Have you heard the latest White House joke?” The second fellow held up his hand. “Wait, before you begin, I should tell you that I work in the White House.” “Oh don’t worry,” the first man replied, “I’ll tell it very slowly.”

A burglar’s wife was being cross examined by the prosecutor: “Are you the wife of the accused in this case?”  “Yes, I am.”  “You knew that he was a burglar when you married him?” “Yes I did.” “May I ask why you married such a man?” “You see, I was getting older and I had to make a choice between marrying a burglar or a lawyer.”   

In a trial a small southern town the prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones do you know me?” She responded, “Why yes I know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two bit paper pusher. Yes I know you.” The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones do you know the defense attorney?” She again replied, “Why yes I do know Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He is lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, his law practice is the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.” The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench in a very quiet voice, said, “if either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.”