November 24th Humor

Guns always gave me the willies. But when my new job required me to transport valuables, I decided I needed one for protection. Since I knew next to nothing about firearms I joined a pistol club, hoping to pick up some much-needed pointers. After watching and evaluating my technique for a few weeks, the instructor pulled me aside. “Are you open to suggestion?” He asked. “Absolutely,” I replied. “Hire a bodyguard.”

I had my first kidney stone after I had played tennis; it was so painful I gave up tennis. A few years later, I had a second kidney stone right after having sex; I gave up tennis again.

The oldest living American, a New Jersey woman, has just turned 114. At her birthday party she said, “Why are we celebrating? I just spent 114 years in New Jersey.”