October 14 Humor

* The politician was pretty pumped since he felt he had delivered a wonderful stump speech that was educational and motivational. He looked out over the audience and asked, “Are there any questions?” One man in the rear raised his hand and asked, “Who else is running?”

@ Did you hear that they’re starting to make James Bond movies again but now they’ll probably have to use politically correct names for women like, “Brains of plenty.”

In a trial a small southern town the prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones do you know me?” She responded, “Why yes, I know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two bit paper pusher. Yes I know you.” The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room, “Mrs. Jones do you know the defense attorney?” She again replied, “Why yes I do know Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He is lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, his law practice is the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.” The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench in a very quiet voice, said, “if either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.”