* The main reason we admitted Alaska to the United States was that it would make Texas the second biggest state.

@ There was a demonstration at the vitamin store. The man selling the latest herbal wonder, promised along with virility,  good looks, and long life.  He said, “Look at me, strong and healthy at 97 years old.”  One of the incredulous observers ask the salesman’s young assistant, “Is he really as old as he swears?”  The young man replied, ” I honestly cannot say how old he is, I have only been working with him for 72 of those years.”

@ My wife got an ATM money card. As she tried to use it for the first time, it would not work. I walked over and asked her what her PIN was. “I thought you used your birthdate for your secret number.” Mom said, “I did, but I lied about my age and now I don’t remember what year I told the machine.”