* An American was hit by a car in Australia. The ambulance took him to the hospital. When he came to He asked the nurse, “Was I brought here to die?” She responded, “No, you were brought here yesterdie.”

* During a layover at London’s Heathrow airport, I met an Australian gentleman who was returning from an eight weeks in the United States. “What did you like best about America”? I asked. He thought for a moment, while I wondered if he would respond with the name of a great city, national park or perhaps reference to the friendly people. Finally, his face brightened as he reached a decision. “In your restaurants, that bottomless cup of coffee. That’s bloody civilized.”

* The local newspaper was searching for the most moral man n the area and among the entries came this nomination: “I don’t smoke, drink or gamble. I have been faithful to my wife and have never looked at another woman. I am hard working, quiet and obedient. I don’t even go to movies or dances. I get to bed early every night and get up at the crack of dawn everyday. I attend church every Sunday.   I have been like this for three years. Just wait until next Spring though, when they let me out of here.