* Bob went over to his friend Joe’s house and was amazed how well he treated his wife. He often told her how attractive she was, complimenting her on her cooking and showered her with hugs and kisses. Geez, Bob remarked later, “You really make a big fuss over your wife”. “I started to appreciate her more about six months ago”, Joe said. “It has revived our marriage and we couldn’t be happier. Inspired, Bob hurried home to his wife and told her how much he loved her and said he wanted to hear all about her day. But she burst into tears. “Honey”, Bob said “What’s the matter”? “This is been the worst day”, she replied. “This morning Billy fell off his bike and hurt his ankle, then the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk.”

@ To obtain information on my home loan the real-estate agent gave me an inquiry form to fill out and send to the bank holding the mortgage. A few days later after I sent the form to them, I got the form back in the mail. The bank form had a handwritten note written in red across the top explaining that to get this information I would have to “enclose a self addressed stamped envelope.”

@ A man who just been promoted to vice president boasted on it so much to his wife that she finally said, “Vice presidents are a dime a dozen. Why at the supermarket they even have a vice president of prunes”. Furious, the husband called the supermarket with the expectation of refuting his wife. He asked to speak to the vice president in charge of prunes. “Which one? Was the reply. “Packaged or bulk prunes?”