* The disgruntled man sat sullenly in the restaurant waiting for is supper to come from the kitchen. He called the waiter for the umpteenth time and asked when his order would be prepared.   The waiter replied, “Your fish will be coming a minute or two sir.”   The sad man looked up curiously and asked, “Oh, what bait are you using.”

* Few things upset my wife. It makes me feel rather special to be one of them.

@ An English journalist asked the sergeant of police in a Fermahagh country village about the size of his staff. “I have three,” said the sergeant. “With yourself then, that’s four.”  “Surely there isn’t enough work in this small place to keep four of you going?” the reporter asked. “Well,” said the sergeant, “there is not, but if we weren’t here then there would be.”