* There is a law in Kansas to avoid train accidents. “When two trains approach each other at a crossing they shall both come to a full stop and neither train shall start up again until the other train has left the crossing.”

* It was a blistering hot afternoon as the old Senator stood on the rear platform of a campaign train talking at length to the uneasy crowd of voters gathered at the railroad station. Before he had completed his speech, the train started to pull out. Immediately the crowd broke into applause, accompanied by cheering and shouting. With the shouts fading off in the distance, the senator poured himself a shot of bourbon and remarked to a reporter: “Know something? I’m not sure whether they were applauding for me or for the engineer.”

@For several years, my job was to answer all of your phone calls and mail concerning the daytime television soap operas our company produced. One day a woman called wanting medical advice from an actor who protayed a doctor on one of the shows. I explained that the man wasn’t a real doctor and couldn’t help her. After a moment of shocked silence, the woman replied indignantly, “No wonder it takes his patients months to recover.”