* My wife bought an aluminum Christmas tree this year and looking at it decorated standing there in the corner and brought a plastic teardrop to my eye.

* Last Christmas, I got no respect. In my stocking I got odor eaters

* Don’t fall for this scam, there is no such thing as a free range Christmas tree. I paid an extra $50 to get one. I think I did something else stupid. I bought my Christmas tree… I let the salesmen talk me into the extended warranty.