* The personnel interviewer asked the job applicant  : “What do you call all of these gaps in your work history?”  “Quality time.”

* Bob was having trouble sleeping through the night and finally asked the doctor for some really, heavy duty, sleeping pills. Sunday night he took the medication and woke up before the alarm. He was so early that he took his time going to work and when he got into the office, he told his boss, “I finally did not have any trouble sleeping through the night.”  Congratulations, said the manager,  “But where were you Monday and Tuesday?”

@ At the breakfast table one morning, my husband was bemoaning his poor record in the stock market. I in turn, was telling him about my latest diet, one of many that I had tried and failed.   “You know honey”, he said looking up from the stock market section of the newspaper, “You’re the only investment I have ever made that doubled.”