* There was a man who was marooned on a deserted island. He had made a life for himself and was crudely dressed and had a long beard. One day as he walked the surf and shapely young lady came out of the water in a wet suit. He was amazed and the woman asked, “Have you been here  long?” He replied, “since 2005.”  She asked, “How long has it been since you had a cigarette?” He said “a long time.” She reached into the suit and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and they lit up together. She asked him “how long has it been since you had a drink?” He said “a long time.” She opens another pocket and pulls out a flask of whiskey and they share a drink. She asks him, “how long has it been since you played around?” He looked at her wistfully and said “a long time.” She reached up and started to unzip the front of her wet suit and the stranded man said, “Don’t’ tell me you have a set of golf clubs in there too.”

@ A visitor asked a native Russian to explain the new government policy of openness or “Perestroika” to him. He said, “Imagine I have two tin pails. One is empty and the other is full of potatoes. I keep pouring the potatoes back and forth from one bucket to the other.” The America asked, “I don’t get it. you keep moving the potatoes around, but nothing has changed.” The wily Russian said, “Ah, but the noise you that it makes, that is Perestroika.”

@ Three cellmates in the old Soviet Union were commiserating:  “I was jailed for coming in late to work” complained the first. “I came in too early and they said I was a spy”, the second complained. The third explained, “I came in exactly on time everyday and they said I had an American watch.”