* The airline captain stood by the door as the passengers exited after suffering through a pretty bumpy landing. The man next to me was a college professor and as he went by the pilot and commented, “In my profession, I would give that landing a grade of C.” The pilot responded, “Professor, in my line of work landings are not a graded course, they are pass/fail.”

* After an uneventful flight, the plane on which I was a flight attendant landed at New York’s JFK airport. The captain, new to New York, steered us off the runway, onto the taxiway and slowly we begin taxiing, first turning to the right, then to the left. Soon the aircraft turned completely around and stopped again. Finally, over the public address system, a confused voice asked, “Does anyone know where gate 25 is?”

@ One man complained to his fellow, “You know that the bakery gave me a phony $20 bill this morning. You cannot trust anybody these days.”  His buddy asked, “Let me see it?”   “I can’t. I passed it at the gas station later this morning.”