* Judge to convict: “The prisons are all full, so I am sentencing you to five years in the waiting room at the Department of Motor Vehicles.”

*”Life is Tough on women in Arizona prisons now that they have to work on chain gangs,” says comedian Rosie O’Donnell, “and what’s worse on the stripes on their jumpsuits are horizontal.”

@ The famous movie composer was taking a break from skiing at Vail. He was sucking on a hot chocolate at the bar when a young couple came up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and they asked, “Are you Henry Mancini?” The composer gathered his best “Aw shucks” smile and said, “Well, yes I am”. The young man held out his hand and said “You dropped your credit card”.