* I joined a Civil War reenactment club. Next weekend, were burning down Atlanta.

@ A gas company meter reader had an apprentice with him one day and the were teasing each other about their age difference. After reading a meter in the basement of a house the senior guy challenged the young guy to a foot race to the next house. As soon as they broke the door they took off running at top speed. When they stopped around the corner they were surprised to find the lady from the last house running right behind them. They asked her what she was doing and she replied, “I don’t know, but when I saw the two men from the gas company run away form my house, I figured I had better get out of there too’.

Two sailors were adrift on a raft of planks from their sunken ship. They were sunburned,  hungry and tired and had given up hope of rescue. One got on his knees and began to shout a prayer. “Oh Lord, I have been worthless in my life. I have been unkind to my wife. I have abandoned my children and lived sinfully, but If you will save me, I promise…” Just then the other sailor shouted, “Hold it, I think I see land.”