* In addition to my job with a package delivery company I’m an emergency medical technician and a volunteer firefighter. As I drove home from work one day I heard a radio call about a woman in labor. I went to the address in sizing up the situation, told the expectant mother, “You’re going to have his baby right here in the living room”. The birth was perfect. after I announced she had a beautiful healthy baby girl the mother looked at me and saw the emblem on my shirt. “Oh  my”, she gasped. “My baby was delivered by UPS”.

* A lady phoned the president of a large department store at two o’clock in the morning. After lots of ringing a sleepy gruff voice answered. “This is Ms. Smith” said the lady in sugary tones. “I just had to call you personally to tell you that the lamp I ordered at your store last week is simply stunning.” “I’m delighted to hear it”, growned the president. “But why Mdm., why call me in the middle of the night about a lamp that you ordered last week”? “Because”, she replied sweetly, “your truck just delivered it”.

@ My first wife divorced me on grounds of incompatibility. Besides I think she hated me.