@ A banker approaches the pearly gates sweating and struggling with a very heavy suitcase. St. Peter greets him and says “Set down the suitcase and, come on in”. “No way barks the banker, I have to bring it in with me.” “What could possibly be in the suitcase that is so important you brought into eternity with you”? asked Peter. The banker opens the suitcase to reveal 50 gold bricks. Saint Peter’s jaw drops open and he asks, “You brought pavement?”

@ An old prospector died and went to the pearly gates and St. Pete explained that there were already too many gold miners in heaven and he would have to wait or go somewhere else. The miner asked if he could talk to some of the souls and see if they could make some arrangements. Saint Peter agreed. Going into heaven he met a couple of the fellows he had known in life and whispered to them that they had struck gold down in hell. Well, one thing led to another and soon the miners had all asked to be transferred out of heaven in order to find the gold. Not much later the original miner came to St Peter and asked if he could be transferred as well. He explained, “Even if I did start the rumor myself, I can’t resist, there just might be something to it.”

* One day an elderly lady was in her garden and she overheard two men working on a telephone pole nearby. The men were obviously having a disagreement and expressing themselves in very colorful language. The lady called the phone company and complained. The men were asked to describe the incident for the report. They said “Me and Joe Wilson were on the job. I was up on the pole and dropped a pair of pliers which hit Joe on the head and bounced to his shoulder”. He looked up at me and said, “Harry, you really must be more careful.”