* How do you make an Elephant fly?   First you start with a very large zipper.

* Trying to get a word in edgewise with her was like trying thread the needle on a sewing machine while it is running.

@ For her surgery to fuse some vertebrae in her back my niece planned ahead. She knew that she would have to wear a brace with four steel rods screwed into Her skull all attached to a rigid upper body cast during her recovery, so she brought to the hospital several large sweatshirts which were cut to fit over the appliances. On her first trip out of her hospital room, she ventured to the cafeteria wearing a shirt wearing the message, “I’d lose my head if it wasn’t screwed on”.