September 20th Humor

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician’s office. After the exam, she shyly, haltingly said, “My husband wants me to ask you…,”  to which the doctor replies, “I know, I know,” placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.”  “No, that’s not it,” the woman confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”

@ “What’s the usual tip?” the man growled at the college boy delivering his pizza. “Well, the student replied, this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great.”   “Is that so?” “Well in. that case, Here here is five dollars.”  “‘Thanks,” the student said, “I’ll put it in my college fund.”   ” By the way, what are you studying?”    “Psychology.”

A visiting admiral approached Chekov’s station on the ENTERPRISE. Thinking he would test the young officer, he asked, “What would you do if the weapons officer suddenly got his head blown off?” “Nothing, sir.” “Why nothing?” “Because I’m the weapons officer, sir.”