German Beer-Loving Raccoons
We think Germany might need some help. Besides running out of electricity, they have some problems with nature that go back a long way. You may recall that these folks have for decades been battling with an abundance of wild pigs or “boars.” The pigs are native to Southern Germany but as the population and civilization has increased the contact between the wild pigs and humans has increased and the humans are not happy. These pigs are not little cute ones, but can grow to 300 pounds and reproduce very freely. That got more exciting when it was revealed that some of those wild pigs are radioactive. Not likely radioactive to kill you on contact, but eating their meat is not recommended. Recently international commerce has brought Chinese pig flu to Germany. It is mostly among the wild pigs but is contagious to farm animals and that makes the “worst” wurst. So hunters don’t want the boar meat and the farmers end up hunting for the dead and dying boars to dispose of the bodies so the virus does not leak to the domestic animals. You thought they only made Volkswagens.
But there is another animal challenge for the city folk as well. Raccoons. Raccoons that are not native to Europe, but were imported to Germany by another pesky crew – Hitler’s Third Reich. They wanted to copy Davy Crockett and raise coons like mink for their warm fur. Sadly the fur farm was the victim of Allied bombings and many of the little critters got out and boy have they multiplied. So now 80 years later many German towns and households have raccoon complaints. The bad behavior of the racoons sounds a lot like their American cousins, except that the German Raccoons seem to be very fond of beer. They tear up garbage cans and dumpsters to get at anything that smells like beer. In some cases they have been known to break open beer bottles and to drink the brew.
Understandably, Germans aren’t very happy about their unwanted guests. The country’s hunters’ association is trying to eradicate the pests, but there’s little they can do. In some cities, officials are directly telling them not to kill the raccoons. And even when they can try to make a dent in their numbers, the raccoons simply spawn two new ones when one falls. Many German homeowners have found that raccoons like to nest inside their roofs. It’s not that they’re scared of the raccoons themselves but the bill to fix all the pried-open roof tiles and destroyed insulation. Local German news report of raccoons breaking into homes to kill and eat house pets, like rabbits and fish. At the beginning of the 2000s, German hunters brought down about 9,000 raccoons. A decade later, the number had swollen to almost 68,000. Last year, in 2022, hunters killed a record number of 200,000 raccoons. Yet, there are still more furry friends to go around.
Rac-coon-fusion
My girlfriend is one of the worst cooks in the world. Just last night the raccoons offered me money to chip in for a lock on my garbage bin!
At the Olympics a reporter meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick and asks, “Are you a pole vaulter?” “No,” says the man, “I’m German. But how did you know my name is Walter?”
What do you get when you cross a raccoon, and a steam roller?
Rascal Flatts.
Why do Canadians always beat Germans at hockey?
Canadians bring their ‘eh?’ game; Germans bring their wurst.
September 18th Birthdays
1971 – Aisha Tyler, 1971 – Jade Pinkett Smith, 1981 – Jennifer Tisdale, 1978 – Kendra Lust
1976 – Jason Sudelkis, 1953 – Ben Carson, 1974 – James Marsden,1933 – Fred Willard